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St
Michael, Hockering We came to Hockering the morning
after the second exorcism. I couldn't honestly say that
all was calm. It was a day of sunshine and blizzards,
when the light first dazzled and then submitted to a
baffling of snowflakes as fat as goose feathers. We
church-hopped between the flurries, catching glimpses and
seeking shelter. It was a day to battle with obscurity,
and as I said to Peter later, it was difficult to know
where to start. First of all, perhaps, there was the
screaming skull. Or was it the cold spots? There were a
lot of cold spots, apparently. But none of that could
have happened without the phone call about the SatNav.
And then later there were the Saints, and there were the
extraordinary Berneys, and there was Catholic treasure
from beyond the great divide. Such a lot to remember.
Perhaps it's best to start at the beginning.
St
Michael, Hockering, is a small-scale work of the early
14th century, vigorously enhanced in the late 15th or
early 16th century, and then, in part, enthusiastically
refurbished by the Victorians in the 1850s, as we shall
see. However, it still retains a lot of its decorated
charm, and the tower is curious because the buttresses
stop short of the later bell stage, making it look like a
small head on broad shoulders. The pretty pinnacles and
battlements help to alleviate this; a crowning, if you
like. The church sits among fields to the west of the
village, and just to the north of the main road from
Norwich to the Midlands, which slices clinically through
the otherwise profoundly rural landscape of central
Norfolk.
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We were in Peter's car,
heading across the A47 to St Michael. The
keyholder was in the back. He was in his
fifties I suppose, a cheerful man and, as it
would turn out, a kindly man. He was heavily
bearded, with longish hair, as if he had intended
to be on the hippy trail to India, but had ended
up in Norfolk instead. He wore a leather jerkin,
rubber waders and a pearl earring. We were really grateful that he was
giving up his time. He told us about the lot
who'd come yesterday. They'd also been grateful.
They hadn't known, of course, that if they'd
waited a while he'd have been there anyway. He
spent hours every day at the church, because he
was verger and sexton and handyman and cleaner
and silver polisher and carpenter and chief cook
and bottlewasher all in one. We hadn't known that
either of course, but it didn't matter. |
Yes, that lot yesterday had been
waiting for him when he got there, and he knew straight
away it was an exorcism because there'd been an exorcism
five years ago, and this was just like that. And five
years ago funny things had been happening; you'd take the
candle stocks off the altar and lock them away, and when
you were back out in the nave you'd hear a clatter, and
you'd go back to the vestry and find them rolling around
on the floor. But now they had this woman with them who
could sense evil. She could see it, she could smell
it.
I was trying very hard not to catch
Peter's eye. I feared it might break the spell. I have
now visited nearly 1200 churches in Norfolk and Suffolk,
but this was gold dust. I had never heard anything like
this before. My mind rolled, and I felt a thrill of
excitement.
| Fifteen
minutes earlier, when we'd first arrived at the
church, I'd actually been feeling a little low.
We'd just been subjected to the flat-lining pulse
of Honingham St Andrew, and so to find another
locked church was depressing, even though it had
a keyholder notice. Through the magic of the OS
street atlas of Norfolk we found the house where
the keyholder lived; but when I knocked on the
door, there was no answer. I waited and waited
while Peter turned the car around. The house
wasn't far from the church, but it was
on the far side of the A47, which no pedestrian
crosses safely. And I waited, and I thought to
myself, I wonder if there's a key hanging up
somewhere? Because some keyholders keep the key
hanging up outside for other parishioners to use.
And just as I thought I might look for it, the
door opened. |
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Within
moments, I knew that I was in the presence of one of
Norfolk's great eccentrics, which is saying something,
because in this day and age the county may well have
cornered the market, at least as far as England goes. And before we left Hockering, which would be
fully two hours in the future, I would know that, thanks
to this friendly, candid man, if any church in Norfolk is
to survive the next quarter of a century it will be
Hockering.
He invited
us in to his house while he looked for the key, but what
had surprised him was that we had found his house at all.
Because that lot yesterday had phoned him up and said
they couldn't find his street, and asked him for the post
code of the church so they could put it in the SatNav,
and then they could let the SatNav direct their car to
the church, and he laughed and said there was no need,
he'd meet them there, and the church was easy to find
because it was the big thing that looked like a church.
He'd got to the church, and they
were waiting. Three clergyman and a woman who saw things
other people couldn't see, felt things they couldn't
feel. And she'd wandered around, poking in corners, and
she found all these cold spots. There'd been one in the
porch, and one by the font, and several in the vestry.
Worst of all, up in the west gallery she'd sensed a
screaming skull. That was the motherlode as far as evil
was concerned, and the exorcism team sprang into action.
I made up my mind that, more than
anything, I wanted to go up into the west gallery and
sense the screaming skull. We got to the churchyard, but
the porch was out of commission and cordoned off. It
wasn't clear if this was due to falling masonry or
demonic possession. Instead, we were let into the
chancel, through the Priest's door.
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Hockering chancel is an
opulent 19th century refurbishment quite out of
character with the rest of the church. The
chancel arch and its matching stone reredos in
particular are textbook examples of the
international mid-19th century Early English
style, familiar to church explorers from
Vancouver to Calcutta and beyond. The arch in
particular must have cost a fortune. Fortunately,
the Victorians used the old bench ends for the
stalls, or perhaps they had simply run out of
money by then. Certainly, the 1890s rood screen
does not match the stonework for quality. However, west of the chancel arch is
a small nave with a north aisle, and it is full
of local character, with an air of the centuries
conspiring, through a mixture of care and
neglect, to leave us something unique. And best
of all is Hockering's wonderful font. It sits
beneath the George III royal arms on the front of
the west gallery, and it soon distracted me from
searching for skulls. The bowl is Victorian and
perfunctory; the shaft is medieval, and
wonderful.
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It depicts
eight Saints, standing in niches. Their heads were
whacked off by 16th century protestants, and have since
been replaced, but they are in the main in good
condition, beautifully clear and identifiable. They
include St Michael, St Andrew, St Margaret, St Catherine,
St Christopher and the Blessed Virgin and child.
It has to
be said that the interior of St Michael is slightly
ramshackle, though pleasantly so. It is, however, very
clean. This is because the keyholder has been
systematically working his way through the building,
cleaning and sealing dusty surfaces, polishing the wood
and scraping the muck off the stone. So far, it has taken
him almost two years of daily work, and he still isn't
quite finished. Now, England is full of people who love
their parish church, but it is rare to meet someone who
so wholeheartedly backs up this love with the sheer sweat
of his brow, and I admired what he was doing here
immensely.
The
majority of the benches in the nave are late medieval,
with simple, carved poppyheads. At the front, a box pew
bears the arms of the Berney family, who are one of the
long-established stars in the firmament of Norfolk
landowners. By the 13th and 14th centuries they were busy
organising the peasantry in these parts, as well as
elsewhere in Norfolk. Incredibly, they still live at
Hockering Hall, the current incarnation of which is a
modernist building of the 1950s.
And St
Michael, which is by no means one of Norfolk's more
significant churches, is still their church, and
their patronage still falls heavily here. The current
family attend the church every Sunday, and they form a
significant proportion of the tiny congregation. I
thought that this was wonderful, like something out of an
Evelyn Waugh novel. Apparently, it is still the job of
the churchwarden to make sure that nobody else sits in
the Berney pew. A few months back, someone they hadn't
seen before arrived early for the evening service, and
sat down in it. There was a collective sharp intake of
breath from the half dozen or so locals sitting behind,
and the stranger had to be turfed out and rehoused in the
cheaper seats.
Mortlock,
visiting in the early 1980s, said that there was an air
here of a church not being forgotten, but not cherished
either. He'd probably say the same today, but I think
this is simply because of the junkshop atmosphere of a
quirky church with much of interest and more than a
little rustic character.
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Typical
of the quirkiness is the brass to Humphrey
Smallpece,it reads Milleno, Quingenteno Anno
ter quique deno et nono Domini, dum Rex Henricus
et annum primum post deno tres regni Octavus
agebat, Hic evit Humpfridus Smallpece aestate
sepultus. This translates as 'In the
summer of the year 1539, as King Henry VIII began
the 31st year of his reign, Humphrey Smallpece
died, and was buried here'. This is curious,
because it means that here we have an inscription
from the very earliest stages of the English
Reformation, when England was still a Catholic
country, and yet it is entirely secular.
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At last,
we went up into the gallery. It has been built into the
splay of the west window, and is approached via the tower
stairs, but it is too rickety to be used by the public
anymore. It is cluttered with equipment - a lawnmower,
planters, and old books under a carpet of dust. No
screaming skulls, though. The keyholder could see in our
faces that we thought it untidy, and he laughed.
"This is what the rest of the church used to be
like", he observed.
Finally,
something genuinely extraordinary. Hockering parish
possesses some 16th century plate, including an exquisite
silver paten with the head of Christ in the centre. This
can be dated accurately from a will bequest of 1520.
There is also a cup of 1570, post-Reformation of course,
bearing the inscription HOKRYNG TOWN. These are now kept
in safe storage in Norwich, not at the church, but they
had recently been returned to the parish from an
exhibition, and were due to go back to Norwich later that
afternoon. Our friendly keyholder produced them with a
flourish for us to look at and photograph - tremendous
treasures from a world ago, now rarely exposed to the
light of day.
So, that
was Hockering. We took the kindly keyholder home, and
headed on to the relative sanity of the Wensum group of
parishes to the north. As we drove, I was thinking about
the Berney pew, Noel Coward's chorus running through my
head:
The
Stately Church of England, how beautiful it stands,
To prove the upper classes have still the upper hand
and
wondered to myself if, when I came to write about
Hockering, I should mention the exorcists. The thing is,
I get an increasing number of crank e-mails from people
claiming to represent organisations with wacky names like
the Suffolk Paranormal Society, and the North Essex Ghost
Hunters. They ask me if I know of any haunted churches
for them to investigate. My answer, in the days when I
still bothered to answer them, was no, of course I don't.
How on earth could a functioning, welcoming, prayerful
church possibly be haunted? I fear they may now and try
and get their talons into Hockering, and it will be
partly my fault. All I can say is that there are now no
ghosts at Hockering, and I don't believe that there ever
were.
Simon Knott, March 2006
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